Operationally, God is beginning to resemble not a ruler but the last fading smile of a cosmic Cheshire cat.

Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies.

I have often depended on the blindness of strangers.

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.

Children are all foreigners.

The secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

It is always the best policy to speak the truth--unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

Preserving health by too severe a rule is a worrisome malady.

The entire economy of the Western world is built on things that cause cancer.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

They certainly give very strange names to diseases.

One has a greater sense of intellectual degradation after an interview with a doctor than from any human experience.

It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

I can think of nothing less pleasurable than a life devoted to pleasure.

Living in a vacuum sucks.