Ninety percent of everything is crap.

All phone calls are obscene.

Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.

I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died.

One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man.

Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.

Nothing ever goes away.

God help those who do not help themselves.

Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all.

It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.

I think it would be a good idea.

When a thing has been said and well, have no scruple. Take it and copy it.

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.

They say that God is everywhere, and yet we always think of Him as somewhat of a recluse.

Reality is something you rise above.

Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.

The purpose of life is to fight maturity.

Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.

How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?