Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so.

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

In the beginning, the universe was created. This made a lot of people very angry, and has been widely regarded as a bad idea.

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.

A common mistake people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at and repair.

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

The idea that Bill Gates has appeared like a knight in shining armour to lead all customers out of a mire of technological chaos neatly ignores the fact that it was he, by peddling second-rate technology, who led them into it in the first place.

This is an important announcement. This is flight 121 to Los Angeles. If your travel plans today do not include Los Angeles, now would be a perfect time to disembark.

Cyberspace is - or can be - a good, friendly and egalitarian place to meet.

The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 79.

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.

I find the whole business of religion profoundly interesting. But it does mystify me that otherwise intelligent people take it seriously.

There is a particular disdain with which Siamese cats regard you. Anyone who has walked in on the Queen cleaning her teeth will be familiar with the feeling.

Even he, to whom most things that most people would think were pretty smart were pretty dumb, thought it was pretty smart.

Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.